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  • The Bolton News


By Bob Garver


Oh, go ahead and go for it. Depend on someone else to make you feel worthy, important and likable. Hang on to their every word and gesture as indications of whether, or not, you deserve to take another breath of air on this planet. Ignore the fact that they have their own issues in life that color their thoughts and reactions at any given time. Discount that they may simply be having a bad day and can’t give you what you are wanting. Disregard the words of the Bible that plainly tell you, ‘God made you. He loves you. He likes what He made, and He wants to help you become an even better you.’

Finito. Finished. Class over. You can bomb any relationship successfully.

If you have a poor self-image, then secretly, you probably don't like you too much. If all you see is an ugly slimy toad in the mirror, then it’s difficult to believe that someone else doesn't. And anything someone says to you is likely filtered through that invisible screen of self-dislike. So what you often hear is distorted into rejection or condescension.

Husband: “Do you think my dad liked his gift I gave him?”

Wife: “He seemed to like it just fine, dear.”

But through his filter the husband hears, “It was okay, I guess. Not “Oh, yeah!” or “He really loved it!”

Anyone wanna guess what comes next in that difficult conversation?

Or the same self-image issue can create neediness. Ever heard the endlessly tiring, "Do you think I did good? Do ya love it? I was good at that, don'cha think? Huh? Huh?" People tend to get just a tad frustrated with always having to feed a bottomless hungry hole, even though they truly do love that needy person.

Wife: “Did you enjoy the dinner I made for us tonight, honey?”

Husband: “Of course I did. You always make good meals.”

Her filtered version? “Oh, sure, it was fine, like you always make. Not anything outstanding, though.”

And the needy cook, who is wearing her heart on her sleeve, feels dismissed. She may angrily accuse him of taking her for granted. Because feeling criticized or neglected can lead to striking out verbally at the one you believe is rejecting you - or outright sulking. And if the cook is passive /aggressive, ‘burned-whatever’ may be served for the next meal. Whichever occurs, you can bet there will be miscommunication and arguments.

Good advice? Take a different class. Named LOVE YOURSELF 101. Learn to accept you with all your weaknesses and failures, but refuse to stay where you are. Do what you need to do to become a believer in you. Find a good counselor to help you with your issues. Start reading and trusting your Bible, where you’ll read that God finds you wonderful. That He only wants to train and teach you to become an even better version of you.



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